Constructive Arguing
All couples argue on occasion - some more than others. At times, these arguments grow to such proportions that the couple doesn’t speak for days. Some arguments can get so bad that they end relationships. A lot of couples tend to avoid arguing as often as possible because they feel that it has negative connotations regarding their relationship. That’s not always the case, however.
When couples argue, it’s generally due to something that they simply cannot agree on and each partner feels equally as strongly about their point of view on the topic. Some of these topics are only made to be serious because one of the partners is too self-centered to understand the meaning of compromise. For instance, suppose your families live a significant distance from you in different directions. This isn’t a huge problem except when it comes to major holidays. You would like to split the holidays so that you spend, for example, Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other one. Then, rotate it the next year. However, your partner refuses to see your point of view and insists that the two of you spend ALL holidays EVERY year with his family. This is good cause for an argument.
There may be other things that couples argue about that are more personal such as money, careers, and sex. When it comes to these topics, the arguments can be constructive and actually serve to resolve the issue at hand. While it’s usually not the best idea to let an issue simply sit and grow without being resolved, sometimes the only way to reach a resolution is by letting things come to a boiling point. You can yell, scream, and curse at each other until you both feel better. Then it’s time to sit down and actually talk reasonably. This is when you can get your partner to really hear what you’re saying as well as you being able to understand where he’s coming from.
Arguing doesn’t have to be a bad thing in relationships. If you use your disagreements to make needed improvements to your relationship, it will be much easier to keep things on an even path. Of course, there will always be some debates. After all, not everyone thinks or believes the same way about all things, and that’s a great thing because this would be a very boring world to live in if everyone was exactly alike.
Pick and choose your battles. Not everything is worth turning into a full-fledged debate, which can build into an even larger argument. So when something just isn’t that important to you, let it go and give in. You can even use that in the next issue that comes up for debate. Remind your partner that you let him have his way the last time and you think it’s only fair that you’re allowed to have something the way you want it. Of course, there will be certain things that both of you MUST be happy with such as where to live or what sort of vehicle to get. But those things will be easier to iron out once you’ve got your constructive arguing down to a science.
